


my dearest love, i'm not done yet

by lunaves



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Original Work, The Pink Order Campaign
Genre: F/M, a late father's day fic : ), a non detailed mention of rape, and death, angst with a somewhat happy ending, velvet angst, written to In The Woods Somewhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 19:40:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19257853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunaves/pseuds/lunaves
Summary: A very unreliable narrator tells of the birth of some of the Sun Queen's kids. And their deaths.





	1. i'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies

The worshippers of the Sun Deities know the myth by heart: the Queen was once a young general in the army of the Sun King, and upon seeing each other the two fell hard. They were rarely seen without each other from that point on as he proposed to her two months later and she accepted eagerly. Their wedding was as extravagant as the King himself as people watched him ask to place the Queen's crown on her himself in her coronation ceremony. They all watched as he stood behind her, placed the crown on, and turned her to kiss him once more.

 

The couple was the happiest they could be for centuries. They were always wrapped up in each other, and though he wasn't the nicest God for sure, he was always balanced out by his passive wife sat by his side, her hands in his. 

 

The birth of Calliope was a week long party, the people would say. The King and Queen rejoiced for the birth of their baby girl, their shining star. The young princess was cooed after, kissed, and blessed like no other. The Queen never took her eyes off of her baby, and the King doted on her. 

 

Calliope adored the siblings that came many years later: Charlotte and Charles. The Charlie's. She loved the two immensely, as did her parents. Solaric, it seemed, never wanted to part with the twins. The two were never seen apart either, almost acting as one little being. Mischievous, yes, but regal too.

 

Many more pass before the royal family conceives again. Orion has all the stars in his eyes and the world at his fingertips. Calliope hushes him at night, happy to have a sibling other than the devilish twins that take entirely after all the wrong sides of her father. Her mother coddles her children, laying in her plush bed with them at night with the children in her arms. Calliope doesn't want to join, she says, but always does anyways.

 

Helios is a charmer even as a baby, always holding his arms out to anyone that walks past. A sweet kid, always trying to charm everyone.

 

Sonata is born soft and sweet. She's a quiet one for sure, barely making a sound as her small eyes pass over her siblings, the people, her parents. She sleeps easily to the songs her mother sings to her as her father cradles them in his arms, cozy in their bed.

 

Vulcan is born and nearly burns the poor doctor getting him out. An absolute firecracker they call him. But his family clings to him, loving their newest little one.

 

Alys seems to come out dancing, her little limbs flying. Vulcan takes to his little sister immediately. He teaches her to walk and move, giggling at every little thing his baby sister does.

 

Viera doesn't make it further than a week. Alys mourns her sister terribly as she finds out. The Royal Family is inconsolable for a time.

 

The death of Viera leads to the family not having anymore kids for a while. It's almost 75 years later when they finally have Adrian, a sweet boy who giggles at everything. He makes them feel better.

 

Vixen and Octavian come out later, bopping each other's noses and laughing at everything. Their older siblings enjoy the bubbly twins immensely.

 

When the Queen has twins Evie and Alucard, the shock of children has worn off in the palace and for the people. None are alive that remember the birth of Calliope, but they're all worshiped the same. The Queen clings to her children, still flushed with the happiness of childbirth, her children clinging to their parents. Her twins are sickly, yes, but she kisses them and cares for them all the more.

 

The birth of Florence is a quieter one, but the little princess makes up for it. Her hands reach out for everything as she demands attention when it isn't on her, though her family is happy to oblige. 

 

Circe comes into the world, bright eyed and looking so similar to her father. Her eyes scan the room after birth, locking onto her father's and reaching to them. He's shocked at first, that this child immediately wants him, but he accepts it nonetheless. Circe remains in her father's arms until the nurses prod her away to feed, the Queen giving her King a sheepish smile as their little girl clings to her.

 

The family is happy for a while. The Charlie's, though not always the nicest, are always by their father's side with little Circe, who stumbles to take Charles' hand as she watches her father work. The other children bounce around and play with each other, Calliope working as a mother figure to them when the Queen is too busy to scold and help. But they're happy.

 

At least for some years.

 

The king becomes visibly more irritable and aggressive, and though the Queen can usually calm her husband down with a grip of her hand or a caress of the cheek, it seems to take longer for it to work each time. 

 

But one day, the Queen stops showing up to meetings. She stops being seen. The King begins to look more stern and regal, yet so cold. 

 

When the Queen shows back up, she still sits alongside her husband, but her motions to touch him are always calculated, it seems. Never as before.

 

Some of the Royal family dies within the few weeks between the Queen's sudden disappearance and the King's cold aura. The Queen never answers to what happened in much detail, telling those who ask that they were murdered for reasons unknown.

 

Amongst those deaths were Orion, Sonata, Vulcan, Adrian, Evie, and Florence.

 

The first to die is young Evie, found impaled brutally. Her twin mourned her for years, and though he's now gone, many say he still mourns her.

 

As the other children get picked off, the Royal Family seems to hold it together less and less. The remaining children and Queen are inconsolable for a week. Though the King seems unbothered, many suspect that it's at night when he mourns his children.

 

The people of the Sun court don't realize the truth.

 

The Queen doesn't tell them how she walked in on her husband carving his own heart out, or how she watched him kill their children in cold blood. She doesn't tell anyone how she watched her little Alucard get bathed in his twin's blood, the little reaper, and slowly lose himself in the madness of it all. She keeps quiet when anyone asks about the look of heartbreak in her eyes years later.


	2. i clutched my life and wished it kept

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A comprehensive list of some lovers.

The King invites over his best friend. The Queen knows him well by now. 

 

The Queen doesn't know that the King has given permission for his best friend to bed her. She doesn't want to.

 

Nine months later she births a little boy anyways, Rhys, and gives him her world until his father comes to take him and raise him himself. The Queen sinks back into the comforts of the library, of the expensive liquors, forgetting everything she can save for the history both seen and unseen and the taste of liquor on her tongue.

 

She forgets to make time for things other than her books or her liquor for a while until her children pull her from the library one night. She has fun, she thinks, but she can't look at some of her children without thinking of the ones she's lost.

 

She beds a scullery maid one night, hoping for some sort of feeling back. The maid is found dead the week after, and the Queen's tongue is thick with regret and heartbreak for the poor girl, dead because of the Queen's seductions.

 

The Queen continues to have children as the years pass. Some of them are her husband's, though their bed feels so cold after. Some of them are his best friends. She never wants them, but she never gets rid of them and loves them nonetheless when she has them.

 

It's when the King and his friend begin to cull the weaker children and plot them against each other that she completely shuts down. The people see her less and less. She shuts herself off from everyone, including her children and the workers of the castle. She begs for some sort of relief from the pain daily, and seldom receives. Her solace comes in the form of Alucard, who brings her gifts and rests his head on her lap and tells her that he'll get them both out of there one day. Just him, his mother, and the ashes that remain of his twin.

 

The Charlie's grow cruel. They stand by their father, doing his bidding, and fight down whoever dares speak bad. Charlotte has the same regal and cold eyes as her father, demanding and uncompromising. Charles looks almost identical, but his siblings know he does it for his twin, to protect his family.

 

Circe is much the same, though it's partially out of fear that she stands at her father's side. He doesn't favor her nearly as much, but she tries her hardest.

 

Calliope, however, takes her father's twist and mother's disappearance the worst. Her understanding grows into resentment as her mother leaves her to care for her younger siblings almost entirely and her father pays her little attention. It becomes grueling.

 

When Alucard leaves, the Queen learns she's never felt more alone in her life. He insists he'll be back for her, though it never comes. The presents he sends give her some shred of joy, but it isn't the same.

 

Eventually, the Queen begins sleeping with others in secret, desperate to feel some form of love and affection again. She lays with a bard she meets in a tavern on the mortal plane once, lets his calloused hands roam her body and his whiskey lips kiss between her legs, but it doesn't feel like enough. The child that she gets from him is raised for a mere four years before she sends him to his father, hearing from him rarely.

 

After that it becomes habit. Once in a while she goes out to sleep with someone then sees them once more to hand their child over. She'd like to stay, sure, but she can't risk the King finding out and giving her child no one.

 

None of the men she sleeps with have a lasting impression on her until she meets a werewolf, who she learns is named Andrew, in the woods somewhere. He doesn't look at her and recognize her as royalty. He's a plain man, and he brings her back to his small cottage one night and kisses her until she melts in his arms. She stays with him that night doing nothing but kissing him and laying in his arms. She intends to leave early, but he pulls her back into the bed and kisses at her neck until she pets his head and cuddles into him more. It isn't until noon that she makes her way home, a breathy kiss parting them as she whispers a promise to return.

 

The King isn't happy that she never returned the previous night, but she doesn't say much to him anyways. Her children find her more relaxed when she's around them, happier. A sight they haven't seen in a long while, one some may never have seen in the first place.

 

She returns a week later, immediately running to Andrew's arms, forgoing her promise to never return to someone and risk their death. That night she tells him she wishes she could stay forever with him, and the sorrow in his eyes grows until she turns and kisses it out of him. Until she finds herself under him, her legs around his waist as he pushes into her. It's the first time in a long while that the Queen finds herself wrapped up in someone's arms and enjoying it for herself. 

 

The Queen realizes she's pregnant two months later, after her visits grew more frequent and he puts his hand on her stomach one night and immediately feels the connection. He cries to her, excited for pups, excited they're hers. 

 

_ Twins, _ he tells her as he leaves kisses all around her face, tears in his eyes. She finds herself crying with joy too.

 

She births them seven months later, in the same cottage, allowing her memories and his instincts to have the children. She cries after, holding their perfect pups as she lays in her lover's arms.

 

She wakes the next morning and stays wrapped in his arms, comforted, letting the twins feed as she rests. When she finally returns, she brings the twins so they can continue to feed, and her children notice her absolutely glowing.

 

They're happy for their mother, sure, but it's hard to see their mother so excited over twins that aren't their father's as well as them knowing she was likely not as excited for them. Many of her kids are gone by now, whether through death or simply leaving the Castle behind, but few that stay are quite there for their mother.

 

The Queen's happiness, like usual, didn't last very long. The boy twin, Keaton, as Andrew named him, was sickly and died only after a month. Her comfort was found with Andrew again, as the two cared for their remaining daughter Stasya when the Queen was able to escape to him.

 

After four years, the King forced his Queen to give her daughter up or watch her be killed. Her choice was instant, and though it pained her, she sent her daughter down to her father and kissed the two on the forehead, promising to visit as much as she could.

 

It became never. The next time she arrived, she was greeted with the horrific sight of her lover ripped to shreds in the bed they had shared and her daughter gone. His body was in two, his neck sliced, the necklace Alucard made for her bloodied around his neck as the gold rusted. She ran to him, knowing she wouldn't be able to save him, but mourned desperately as she clung to his broken body and screamed for him. No help came.  She sobbed as she buried his body, kissing his cold lips once more before laying him in the grave she had dug. 

 

She searched for her daughter next, hoping she'd find some sign she was still alive, yet found none. She grew numb once more, burying herself into the habit of liquors and her bed, desperate to push back her anguish again.

 

The Queen finds herself bedding a mortal King one night, four years later, still desperate to forget Andrew. With his wife a room away, she lets herself get lost to the habit of sex again. She births twins from him and immediately gives them to him, afraid of what would happen if she kept them longer.

 

Five years later she finds herself in the bed of a sorcerer in the castle, a tutor for many of the children residing there. He kisses her so soft, and she tries to push her lover out of her mind again. Her heart drops when she calls out for him while sleeping with the sorcerer, though he doesn't seem to care.

 

Andromeda is born nine months later, a soft girl that looks nothing like the King, but she makes the claim she is his anyways. Her little girl reaches for the stars as they rest on the balcony at night, exhausted.

 

The Queen is stolen away one night, her husband doing little to stop the event. Before she goes, with the little time she has, she sneaks the Sun Crown away and keeps it on her at all times. She wakes in a new place, unable to go home, feathers ripped from her wings painfully.

 

She remains there for two years. This captor, who she finds is a new God named Izael, is ruthless to her most of the time. He rips her feathers off, snaps her wings, rips them off. She lives with the most excruciating physical pain she could ever think of for months before Izael decides to transfer her consciousness into a mechanical being, where she can't feel but hates the body all the more. She's transferred back and left with the pain. 

 

She wakes one night, filled with pain and crying, trying to make her way to the God and beg him to take her pain away. She finds there a boy, less than ruthless, shaking in the clothes he's in. She's confused, but she makes her way to comfort the boy nonetheless. In his surprise and thankfulness, he heals her pains as she continues to comfort him. She returns to her bed hours later, tired once more.

 

When she awakens again, he's back to normal and sends her off to the mortal plane again. She notices he hopes she dies there. She decides she won't make it easy for him.

 

It's three days before she finds herself in a town, tired and hungry, and makes her way to the nearest building: a church, dedicated to no God she recognizes, but she hopes that she can find rest there.

 

She finds more than rest as the priest takes her in, feeds her, comforts her, and allows her a place to stay. She thinks about escaping, afraid she'll bring him death from her husband, but she remembers that she's been gone for two years and doubts he cares enough anymore anyways.

 

She stays. The two grow close, sitting in front of the fire some nights and talking quietly. She helps him around the church, he lets her regain herself. Before she knows it, the two are in his bed, kissing each other and pressing their hands to each other's bodies. Their relationship doesn't last long romantically, but she finds that she doesn't know what she'd do without him anymore. She tells him almost everything about herself, happy once more.

 

It's after they break up that she realizes she's pregnant again. Though she's excited, she can tell he's less than excited, but the joy and happiness on her face makes it hard for him to not smile and kiss her forehead.

 

He never put much thought into it before, but he realizes that she's family to him. He knew he loved her as much as he could, and his memories flood back into him with the two dancing in the kitchen together. But he never realized until then that if there was one person he'd call family, it was the golden Queen, standing in front of him as she cried in joy and wrapped her arms around his neck.

 

She births a son, Astaire. The little one has magic coursing through his veins, fiery and divine, and though Cain has never been a fatherly type or want to be a father in general, his son seems to want only him. The baby clings to him and remains favoring him like that for over a year. 

 

She spends her nights when not with her son and Cain praying. She doesn't know to who or why anymore, but she finds herself begging whoever's listening to her to let it be. For this family to stay as is. It means everything to her that it stays.

 

She tries not to think about the family left behind. Of her husband, who she scolds herself for loving even now. Her children, who she's most definitely abandoned, though not of her own choice. Her little Andromeda haunts her, and she fears daily that her youngest daughter was killed when it became more and more apparent she wasn't her husbands. She worries for her Stasya, who has been gone for fourteen years, that she misses and hopes is still alive somewhere. Her prayers mix most nights: a mix of hope her current family stays, a mix that her other children are alive and well. She doesn't want to think about what they'd think about her if she got a chance to return.

 

She remains by his side for three years, until his eyes plead with her to assist a party he finds in the tavern one night as their healer. She doesn't want to at all, but she obliges for his sake, hoping to finish it soon and crawl back to him.

 

It takes separation for the two to realize how alone they feel without each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You win some, you lose some. This time with lovers. Literally.

**Author's Note:**

> you are So welcome


End file.
